...STILL On the Road Again: Day 3

We made it! Today was our fastest drive yet! We got into our hotel around 4pm even with the food/bathroom breaks. Mom and I were both really tired during this drive. We stopped about an hour and a half after we started in search of good coffee. We gave up on finding a Starbucks out in the boonies, so we stopped at a McDonalds (along with the rest of that little town, it seemed). Naturally, two exits later, we saw a highway sign for a Starbucks. CURSES!

There are no fun pictures from today's drive because we were too busy trying not to kill anybody else or ourselves in all of the rain and wind. Mission: accomplished.

We also found out that we left one of mom's toiletry bags at the hotel (in the lobby, in fact - it somehow didn't make it from our big pile of stuff to the car). She's out at Walmart finding some make-up and things to hold her over until they ship her stuff to her, and I am waiting for Andrew to come pick us up! We're going to go see the new place then get some dinner (and, preferably, a drink!). It feels good to finally be here, and I think Mom and I are both glad not to be getting up to pack and do another big day of driving.

I have been in 4 states in 3 days! Can't wait to show yall the new place! :)

On the Road Again: Day 2

We are officially in the Eastern time zone!! Exciting because we are close to our destination. Less exciting to think about the early morning feeling even earlier tomorrow. But mostly exciting!

Our hotel seriously dropped the ball in the coffee department. Not good. There wasn't a Starbucks near-by, but I pushed through. My half of the drive was uneventful (and I like it that way), and we mostly listened to our book on tape. We stopped in Jackson, TN for lunch. I've been doing no-meat-Fridays with Andrew during Lent, so I made use of the food I brought along for the trip and made a PB samich knowing none of the (non-scary) lunch options were very meat-free. Mom decided she wanted KFC, and it ended up being a KFC buffet. Neither of us had ever heard of those, but Mom took full advantage and had TWO big plates. I wanted to participate and got a side dish of the most delish fast food green beans ever, and I think our KFC stop was, surprisingly, the highlight of the day.

SPORK!!!

Mom's drive consisted of rain. Lots of rain.

We weren't even sure if we were going to venture all the way to Knoxville if it was really bad, but we made it finally. I think these storms are still moving east, and I have a feeling we'll be driving with them when we keep going east tomorrow. It will be nice to finally GET there, I am starting to get stir-crazy with this whole sit-eat-sit-eat-sit-sleep schedule. Andrew picked up our keys to the new place this afternoon, and he said there were a few issues like spots of dirty carpet and bad patch-jobs on the wall, but it sounds like management is going to have those taken care of by Monday. Since the carpet needs to be shampooed it's probably a good thing that my furniture isn't due to arrive til (most likely) Wednesday.

Why is sitting in a car so exhausting? I've probably got a DVT I've been sitting so long, and yet I can't wait to go to bed. Next stop Fairfax! Woo!

On the Road: Day 1

Mom and I said we were going to hit the road by 8 AM, and, somewhat to my surprise, we actually did.

Mom kind of loved the coffee in the lobby of the Super 8 (Yes, the Super 8 on the side of I-35 - hinting towards ghetto, but still with free wi-fi!). She opted for two cups of it rather than Starbucks. I was planning to drive the first half of the trip, so my usual Starbucks drink was non-negotiable. No offense Super 8.

Yesterday was super rough emotionally. I knew it would be hard to say bye to people over the weekend, but I was kind of surprised at how tough it was to say bye to the place also. And we didn't even drive away until this morning! It definitely hit me yesterday that I am leaving my home, but with a three-day drive ahead of us it hasn't really hit me where my new home is! The middle ground is really unsettling to me, and I'm looking forward seeing Andrew on Saturday.

After listening to the Bobby Bones Show for the last time for now I remembered the CD Sarah made me that was waiting in my purse. I teared up listening to "19 and Crazy" and "If It Wasn't for Texas," and I loved loved loved that the last song was The Eyes of Texas. Great send-off, thanks Miss Sarah.

Lunch options were looking pretty disappointing in Greenville/Sulpher town/wherever we were around 12:30, and then emerged from the trees (or the cluster of McDonalds. McDonaldses?):

I never eat fast food these days, but let's be honest, Braum's is a front-runner. I texted this picture to Kori because I knew she would be jealous. Her response: "UGH! So jealous!" <-- success.

Enter: lazy time. Mom's turn to drive, and my turn to digest Braum's for the next 5 hours.

We started the book on tape that Mom and Kori picked out last week - it's Kristin Hannah, but I don't remember the name of it. 10 seconds after listening to the voice reading the prologue Mom said "I feel like she is about to start talking pornography," which made it hard to concentrate on the story through all of our giggling at descriptions of tall trees and other suggestive things. We composed ourselves and listened to the book for the rest of the trip - I think that only got us through 3 chapters though. I'm interested to keep listening, but I'd like to tell the characters to buck up and grow a spine - really? You're so afraid? Your friend's been dating your brother for a week. It isn't that scary.

Fast forward to Little Rock, Arkansas where we tried two hotels with no available rooms whatsoever, and we ended up at this lovely Hilton Garden place where we had some AH-MAZING salmon at their little restaurant, watched the American Idol result show, and showered as if I have never showered before.

...Actually it was a really rushed shower because Mom said a new episode of The Office was on. I've been saying how the show needs to cancel itself now that Steve Carell will be gone, but I guess placing Will Ferrell in the next 4 episodes is a good move to keep people watching. Well played, well played.

PS - Andrew picks up keys to the new place tomorrow - can't wait to show pictures, we really like it! The date all my crap will arrive with the movers is still pending.

Next stop: Knoxville, TN.

In my life, I've loved them all

A random selection of a few of my favorite moments the past few weeks. In no particular order, I've Alamo Drafthouse'd with the girls to see Clueless and Breakfast at Tiffany's, spent time in the good sunshine with a good friend, celebrated a friend's future baby boy (team blue!) with cupcakes and pictionary, successfully dunked on an inflatable basketball court, answered medical trivia for candy, attempted to force-feed pizza to a toddler, eaten myself sick on tex-mex and Amy's Ice Cream, cried for a friend and how proud I am of her, window-shopped the SoCo hot spots, sent Andrew a gift and a cake for the last time via snail mail, reconnected face-to-face with one of my favorite people for the first time in years, learned amazing news from a close friend, hugged lots of hugs, drank lots of beers, and felt my throat close up for the first time last night as the emotion of it all finally hit me. I am spending this weekend surrounded by special friends, then the baton will be passed to Mom and Kori to pack the last boxes with me and see me through the drive and the move-in.

New phases in life have always been emotional for me. The excitement for wonderful things to come mixed with the fears of closing an old chapter - it's the same feeling that sat in the pit of my stomach when I started high school, hugged Mom goodbye after moving into my college dorm, and walked into Brackenridge with RN on my name tag. It's about growing up, changing, learning, and trusting that your gut will steer you where you need to go. My time in Austin is going into the archives as the place that taught me the most about who I am and where I'm going, gave me some of the most fierce hangovers of my life, and brought amazing people into my world whom I intend to take with me through the next 50 chapters of my life.

So it's time to go put on a dress and soak up the weekend, and in about a week's time I'll be walking into my new life greeted by the person who makes it all worth it.

Small weekend disclaimer: I reserve the right to cry spontaneously.

See you out there, friends!

An update for you..

Anxiety, excitement, anticipation, nervousness, apprehension, curiosity, suspense...

The common denominator?

Nausea.

Back to Square One?

Remember this? My collection of pens and pamphlets from (what felt like) every hospital in Texas, and the nausea that came with the impending job search before graduation.

And you know what? That job search was pretty miserable. The size of the new-grad applicant pool was shocking, and I initially made the mistake of believing that the online applications I sent in were actually going to be read.

This time around, I'm no longer a new nurse, and I have some real skills to contribute. I'll find a job.

Right? (...right?)

Until today I had some confidence. "I'm not too worried about it," I've said. But now that I've actually started the process, I hate to say that the panicked feeling I remember from the last go-around is settling in already. I will send in my apps, do my best to speak to a real person from HR this week, and hopefully get an interview.

But I honestly don't feel like it's going to happen!  This isn't me trying to be humble or trying not to "jinx" myself, this is the (horrible) feeling I have in my heart of hearts. My only experience with job applications taught me, for the most part, that it doesn't matter how qualified you are, you aren't getting a job. You aren't even getting an interview! You. Are. A. Sucker.

Now I am trying to apply to a hospital across the country that I have absolutely no connection to or contacts in? Am I crazy?

I hope I wake up tomorrow with a different attitude, but for now, I'm just being honest.

That's why the blog is called RAWR.

Stick a Fork in Me

I'm DONE!

I am still waiting for it all to hit me. I thought about it all day at work today. I joked about being sentimental to give pre-dinner insulin for the last time at Brack. I wondered if hanging cytarabine would be my last chemo infusion should I not end up working oncology in Virginia. I thought about how it was likely the last time I'll see the people I don't even know on a personal basis: the pharmacists, the docs, the residents, the night nurses I don't know very well. I thought about how I won't be going back next week to find out how one patient did with part 2 of her surgery, or if another patient finally ended up getting to go home.

But I didn't feel any different because none of that really seemed like the last time. When I clocked out I was thinking about what I wanted to eat for dinner and how many dishes are piled up in my sink.

What I do know is I am so excited for brunch tomorrow - I just did a head-count of the people who plan to be there, and there should be around 15 of us, give or take a few. 15 (over-worked/underpaid?!) RNs with Sunday mimosas. I hope Taverna is ready for us. I didn't feel like I got to spend much time with whoever was working with me these past 2 shifts because all of us were busy, and I think my heart needs tomorrow's brunch to actually spend some quality time with this group of people that has been such a positive presence in my life the past two years.

Are you reading this Brack friends? Cuz I love you guys. When I think about all of my hardest days as a nurse, the first thing that comes to mind is how much you all helped me when I needed it the most. I'm proud of the nurse I've become and owe so much of that to you. I feel blessed - maybe even spoiled - to have worked with co-workers as fantastic as you all in the first years of my career. The words "I hate this place" may have escaped my lips on more than one occasion, but I wouldn't trade even the craziest of patients if it meant I had to have co-workers who were any less than the best.

So now what?

Immediate priorities:
1. Introduce moisture back into my hands during this period free of hospital sanitzer. This will be a difficult challenge, but one I am willing to conquer.
2. Baked donuts. I have all these recipes and a donut pan (who owns a donut pan?), and now is the time for experimentation.
3. Houston rodeo and BBQ with my dad next weekend.
4. Read books.

(And, ya know, find an apartment/job/life in Virginia. Baked aforementioned donuts for Andrew when the recipe is perfected. All of these things don't need to be listed, they are just assumed.)

Isn't it amazing when you know you've been through something and spent time with people you'll never forget? Life is so good!