In my life, I've loved them all

A random selection of a few of my favorite moments the past few weeks. In no particular order, I've Alamo Drafthouse'd with the girls to see Clueless and Breakfast at Tiffany's, spent time in the good sunshine with a good friend, celebrated a friend's future baby boy (team blue!) with cupcakes and pictionary, successfully dunked on an inflatable basketball court, answered medical trivia for candy, attempted to force-feed pizza to a toddler, eaten myself sick on tex-mex and Amy's Ice Cream, cried for a friend and how proud I am of her, window-shopped the SoCo hot spots, sent Andrew a gift and a cake for the last time via snail mail, reconnected face-to-face with one of my favorite people for the first time in years, learned amazing news from a close friend, hugged lots of hugs, drank lots of beers, and felt my throat close up for the first time last night as the emotion of it all finally hit me. I am spending this weekend surrounded by special friends, then the baton will be passed to Mom and Kori to pack the last boxes with me and see me through the drive and the move-in.

New phases in life have always been emotional for me. The excitement for wonderful things to come mixed with the fears of closing an old chapter - it's the same feeling that sat in the pit of my stomach when I started high school, hugged Mom goodbye after moving into my college dorm, and walked into Brackenridge with RN on my name tag. It's about growing up, changing, learning, and trusting that your gut will steer you where you need to go. My time in Austin is going into the archives as the place that taught me the most about who I am and where I'm going, gave me some of the most fierce hangovers of my life, and brought amazing people into my world whom I intend to take with me through the next 50 chapters of my life.

So it's time to go put on a dress and soak up the weekend, and in about a week's time I'll be walking into my new life greeted by the person who makes it all worth it.

Small weekend disclaimer: I reserve the right to cry spontaneously.

See you out there, friends!

An update for you..

Anxiety, excitement, anticipation, nervousness, apprehension, curiosity, suspense...

The common denominator?

Nausea.

Back to Square One?

Remember this? My collection of pens and pamphlets from (what felt like) every hospital in Texas, and the nausea that came with the impending job search before graduation.

And you know what? That job search was pretty miserable. The size of the new-grad applicant pool was shocking, and I initially made the mistake of believing that the online applications I sent in were actually going to be read.

This time around, I'm no longer a new nurse, and I have some real skills to contribute. I'll find a job.

Right? (...right?)

Until today I had some confidence. "I'm not too worried about it," I've said. But now that I've actually started the process, I hate to say that the panicked feeling I remember from the last go-around is settling in already. I will send in my apps, do my best to speak to a real person from HR this week, and hopefully get an interview.

But I honestly don't feel like it's going to happen!  This isn't me trying to be humble or trying not to "jinx" myself, this is the (horrible) feeling I have in my heart of hearts. My only experience with job applications taught me, for the most part, that it doesn't matter how qualified you are, you aren't getting a job. You aren't even getting an interview! You. Are. A. Sucker.

Now I am trying to apply to a hospital across the country that I have absolutely no connection to or contacts in? Am I crazy?

I hope I wake up tomorrow with a different attitude, but for now, I'm just being honest.

That's why the blog is called RAWR.

Stick a Fork in Me

I'm DONE!

I am still waiting for it all to hit me. I thought about it all day at work today. I joked about being sentimental to give pre-dinner insulin for the last time at Brack. I wondered if hanging cytarabine would be my last chemo infusion should I not end up working oncology in Virginia. I thought about how it was likely the last time I'll see the people I don't even know on a personal basis: the pharmacists, the docs, the residents, the night nurses I don't know very well. I thought about how I won't be going back next week to find out how one patient did with part 2 of her surgery, or if another patient finally ended up getting to go home.

But I didn't feel any different because none of that really seemed like the last time. When I clocked out I was thinking about what I wanted to eat for dinner and how many dishes are piled up in my sink.

What I do know is I am so excited for brunch tomorrow - I just did a head-count of the people who plan to be there, and there should be around 15 of us, give or take a few. 15 (over-worked/underpaid?!) RNs with Sunday mimosas. I hope Taverna is ready for us. I didn't feel like I got to spend much time with whoever was working with me these past 2 shifts because all of us were busy, and I think my heart needs tomorrow's brunch to actually spend some quality time with this group of people that has been such a positive presence in my life the past two years.

Are you reading this Brack friends? Cuz I love you guys. When I think about all of my hardest days as a nurse, the first thing that comes to mind is how much you all helped me when I needed it the most. I'm proud of the nurse I've become and owe so much of that to you. I feel blessed - maybe even spoiled - to have worked with co-workers as fantastic as you all in the first years of my career. The words "I hate this place" may have escaped my lips on more than one occasion, but I wouldn't trade even the craziest of patients if it meant I had to have co-workers who were any less than the best.

So now what?

Immediate priorities:
1. Introduce moisture back into my hands during this period free of hospital sanitzer. This will be a difficult challenge, but one I am willing to conquer.
2. Baked donuts. I have all these recipes and a donut pan (who owns a donut pan?), and now is the time for experimentation.
3. Houston rodeo and BBQ with my dad next weekend.
4. Read books.

(And, ya know, find an apartment/job/life in Virginia. Baked aforementioned donuts for Andrew when the recipe is perfected. All of these things don't need to be listed, they are just assumed.)

Isn't it amazing when you know you've been through something and spent time with people you'll never forget? Life is so good!

Forming a Habit

There is something really unsatisfying about the type of title I just typed for this post. The type that is, essentially, exactly what the post is about. No pun. No joke. No creativity.

Why are you reading this again?

Anyway. In light of my upcoming move across the world (or a few states) I am re-committing to this blog and plan to make a habit of it. It's the best way I can think of to take you all with me.

...Which brings me to my next point: "You all" at this time consists of... three people? Four people? I used to link to my blog on Facebook until I felt awkward thinking about how many random people might be reading, but if someone has access to my Facebook, why not the blog? It's harmless enough.

Unless you are one of the morons at HEB. Then this blog might offend you.

Moving day is in April my friends! I will know the exact date once I lock down an apartment during my trip out there in March. In the meantime, the Bucket List is growing, but this is what I've got so far. I'll star the ones I've been to since the official list got started, but most of those are going to at LEAST need one or two more stars each. It's no surprise that most of the bucket list is food-related.

Home Slice*

Kerbey Lane*

Guero's

Torchy's

Amy's Ice Cream*

219 West happy hour

Rather Sweet Bakery and Cafe (Fredericksburg)*

a night out on dirty, dirty 6th Street with disgusting, disgusting shots

Alamo Drafthouse - either a sing-along/girlie night/quote-along/master pancake theater

County Line

kayak on Town Lake

UT campus/tower*

Oasis

smoothies from Lift Cafe

Milk + Honey Spa

Taverna brunch

Z'Tejas brunch

Esther's Follies

Mexican martinis from Iron Cactus

Who's in?!?! Please add to my list because I know I'm missing important things :)

Drumroll Please...

...........

...........

...Okay I don't think that did anything to create dramatic effect. So without further ado, THE big announcement. The one most people already know. The one that will change life as I know it in just a few short months!

(No, not pregnancy. Definitely not pregnancy)

Tomorrow I plan to make it official at work, so now it can be official in public (and by "public," I mean the handful that know this blog exists): I am MOVING to Fairfax, Virginia in April! Why, you ask?

To say we need a little more face time would be an understatement. The bottom line? We would really like to be able to have dinner and watch TV together on a week-night. The thought of being able to do something so normal is what I am most excited about.

So big changes are a-comin'. I am a big ball of nerves thinking about being so far from my family/friends, good Mexican food, Homeslice Pizza, and flip-flops in January, but I am looking forward to new beginnings, an excuse to buy one of those long winter coats, our nation's capitol, and that goofball I kinda like hanging out with.

Don't be fooled by the composure of this post.

I'm most definitely freaking out.

EEEEEE! :-P

The High Road?

What exactly is taking the high road?

I guess that's a vague question, and I guess the answer depends on the situation.

If someone asked me this question in general, I'm inclined to think that the high road is usually choosing to ignore something offensive rather than doing or saying anything in response. The idea is that you don't "stoop to his/her level," assuming there is a "his/her" in this general situation. You take the high road by diffusing the situation instead of fueling it.

In general, that sounds pretty good.

In general, I struggle with this. Maybe not in the immediate situation, but definitely after the fact. If someone says or does something to offend me - someone I don't know well - it may appear that I take the high road because I don't always know how to react. But inside I'm fuming, and a few minutes too late I think of a few perfect things to say in response to whatever was said or done. So perfect that I really want to walk back up to the person and lay it on 'em. It'll be clever and smart with a little zing, and the person will feel bad about whatever he or she said in the first place.

What? No.

If you can respond with that clever, smart little zing without skipping a beat, maybe you'll have some impact. Or maybe (probably) you'll just spark an argument. But coming back with a delayed response to the offender? Someone you don't even have a real relationship with in the first place? There's nothing to gain, and the "perfect" words you've been stewing over probably feel foolish as soon as they leave your mouth.

So, as far as this person knows, I said nothing, and I'm not writing a situationally-inspired blog post about them.

...but for the record I think this person sucks, and I think the words I didn't respond with are awesome.

XOXO,

Kristin